The Adventures of Den-chan
by Bluejay Blaze
Summary: This was meant to be a crack fic... I don't think it's a crack fic. Come see the One Piece world through the eyes of a den-den mushi that ate a Devil Fruit and lives in the revolutionary base.
It was common knowledge that den-den mushi were herbivores. Most people fed them cabbage, and the molluscs were perfectly happy with this. But every once in a while a den-den ate something else. An apple made a perfect treat. Some den-den mushi ate carrots or pineapples or tomatoes… Or Devil Fruits.

Den-chan wasn't sure what fruit it had eaten at first- it didn't even know what a Devil Fruit was. All it knew was that one of Master's men had dropped something in its food dish that looked tasty, but wasn't. The fruit was blood red with flecks of black and white that seemed to wink as Den-chan ate it. The fruit also tasted like Master's dirty socks.

It was unfortunate that Den-chan knew the taste of Master's dirty socks, but Master's friend Chief was careless with such things.

The first time Den-chan knew that something was different was when it started to pay attention to the words Master and Chief asked it to relay. Den-chan learned the language its humans used quite quickly. It wondered what they would do if it started talking to them. It never tried though. There was nothing for Den-chan to talk about.

But with increased intelligence came increased boredom. Den-chan was no longer content to simply sit in its tray like other den-den mushi. Unfortunately there was little for a communication snail to do. At least, until it discovered a strange signal being broadcast from beyond… somewhere. Den-chan didn't have a way to describe where the strange frequency was coming from. But the signal was magical, and Den-chan cherished it.

The Internet.

Through the Internet, Den-chan learned to read. It learned stories about its world, and of others. Slowly, Den-chan came to realize that the strange veil separating it from where the Internet came from was called the Fourth Wall. This must be the effect of its Devil Fruit- Den-chan could 'break' this fourth wall, like the legendary characters Pinkie Pie and Deadpool from other worlds. Den-chan was proud of this realization. It liked the stories of Deadpool.

 **xXx**

One day, while reading stories of its own world, Den-chan learned that Master had a son. This son was seventeen years old and had never met Master. This, Den-chan felt, was wrong. So next time Master came to phoned someone, Den-chan called a different number instead.

It had taken a while to learn Luffy's number. Den-chan hoped Master would be proud.

"Hi! I'm Monkey D Luffy, future king of the pirates! Who's this?"

Master frowned and hung up without saying anything. "Huh. Must've hit the wrong button. What a coincidence." The frown morphed into a soft smile. "Den-chan, remember that number, but don't call it again unless I ask you. Now, put me through to Iva."

Well, that was disappointing. Master didn't want to speak to his son. Den-chan wondered why. Both Luffy and Master would surely be happier if they were together. But maybe it had missed something. Den-chan resolved to study the stories further and learn why.

 **xXx**

This intensified research led Den-chan to the realization that Chief was one of Luffy's older brothers, and thus Master's son. Neither Master nor Chief seemed to know this. Den-chan thought that was a shame. With a son he could be close to without fear, surely Master would be happier. And surely Chief would be delighted to reunite with his younger brother.

The next time Chief used Den-chan to make a call, the mollusc once again dialed Luffy's number. A familiar voice filled the room.

"Hi! I'm Monkey D Luffy, future king of the pirates! Who's this?"

Chief dropped the microphone in shock. Den-chan watched as the blond trembled, sweating. He clutched his head and yelled before passing out. Master arrived within minutes, along with several nurses. They carried Chief to the infirmary, muttering about fevers and memories. All through this event, Luffy's voice came through the speakers. The young pirate sounded confused.

"Ne? Who was that? _Sabo?_ "

 **xXx**

By this point, Den-chan was getting rather discouraged. It just wanted its people to be happy. But Master didn't want to talk to Luffy, and Chief became ill just hearing his voice. It read more stories on the Internet, trying desperately to figure out how to make people happy. What it found was quite unhelpful. Chief and Luffy had a third brother- Ace. But this Ace had no relation to Master, and Chief hadn't come near it since his illness.

Den-chan eventually decided to call anyway. It knew how to speak after all, knew what words would affect Ace the most. So it waited until it knew it wouldn't be disturbed, and phoned the Whitebeard Pirates.

"Hello?"

Den-chan didn't recognize the voice. It wasn't Ace. Schooling its features, Den-chan tried to make the den-den at the other end believe it was human. Fooling the fruitless mollusc wasn't hard.

"May I speak with Portgas D Ace please? It's about his brother."

The effect was instantaneous. Clattering noises accompanied the sounds of a new voice. This one, Den-chan recognized from watching anime on the Internet. Ace.

"Who's this? What's wrong with Luffy?"

"Nothing," Den-chan assured the young pirate. "Luffy is fine, although his relationship with his father leaves much to be desired. I'm not calling about Luffy; I'm calling about Che- Sabo."

"Sabo?" Ace sounded suspicious. "How do you know that name? He died years ago. Who is this?"

"Chief isn't dead." Den-chan remained calm. Most of the stories mentioned that Ace and Luffy believed Chief to be dead; this was to be expected. "Master rescued him as a child."

"Sabo's alive?" Ace sounded angry, sad, and hopeful all at once. Den-chan counted this as a victory. At least Ace wasn't cursing or trying to burn it through its connection to its fellow.

"Yes, Sabo lives. I don't know why he hasn't contacted you. When I tried to have him call Luffy he fell ill, so it may have something to do with that."

"He's alive." Den-chan's eyes started to water with the emotions coming over the link. It could feel Ace smile. "Who are you? Where are you? How can I find him?"

Den-chan wilted. "I'm afraid I cannot help you with that. Due to my circumstances I am unable to tell where we are or how to get here. As for who I am… My name is Den-chan."

"Den-chan… Odd name. Well… Thank you for telling me- about Sabo I mean. Next time you see him, tell him we miss him, okay? And tell him that if he wants to meet me, he can come visit the Moby Dick anytime."

"I will tell him," Den-chan assured the pirate. Then it remembered something important that it had seen in the anime, something the Internet mourned. "Oh! And Ace…"

"Yeah?"

"I do not know when, but I believe the one called Thatch will soon find a Devil Fruit. If he does, the one called Teach will try to kill him for it. Protect Thatch. If Teach does kill him, what follows will lead to your death. Luffy and Chief would not like it if you died- nor would a number of other people. You _do_ deserve to live Fire Fist. If you don't believe me, I can direct you to many fangirls who will agree."

"Huh?"

Den-chan didn't get a chance to explain. It heard footsteps coming down the hall. "I must go now Ace. Farewell."

Ka-clik. Den-chan hung up just in time. It expected Master to enter the room, and was pleasantly surprised when Chief entered instead. The mollusc blinked up at the blond and did its best to imitate Ace's smile.

"Sabo? Your brothers wish me to tell you they miss you. Also, Ace invites you to visit the Moby Dick at any time."

On further thought, Den-chan probably should have expected Chief to faint at that. It had yet to reveal its special capabilities to its people.

 **xXx**

As time passed, Den-chan grew more confused. It read more and more of the stories called fanfiction, watched hours of anime. All it wanted was for its people to be happy. Except… It couldn't even remember which people it belonged to anymore. It had grown to love Luffy and Ace, who were pirates, and Garp and Coby, marines. Den-chan spent hours of free time trying to figure out who to call, what to say, to make sense of its family and bring them together.

Master didn't understand. No, Master had grand plans that wouldn't allow him to meet with his son, for Luffy's own safety. Den-chan understood that now.

Instead of trying to talk to its master, Den-chan sought answers elsewhere. When it wasn't looking at the Internet, Den-chan called pirates and marines from all over the world. Few bothered to speak long; the name Den-chan didn't seem to inspire confidence for some reason.

Whitebeard laughed and asked if Den-chan wanted to join his crew, while Garp tried to get the mollusc to become a marine. Sometimes Den-chan wished it could set sail as one or the other. Perhaps adventure would take its mind off its mounting confusion. Some days, Den-chan woke up and couldn't remember whether Chief had regained his memories yet, or whether Ace had already been killed at Marineford. One morning when this confusion was particularly bad, the mollusc called a random number out of desperation, needing conversation to cement itself in reality. On this occasion, the number Den-chan called belonged to Admiral Akainu.

"Marine headquarters, Akainu speaking. Who is this?"

"My name is Den-chan. I was wondering sir, have you recently been utterly humiliated by a phoenix after slaughtering his younger brother in front of an even younger brother?"

The roar of anger and flash of heat Den-chan felt through his link made him flinch and start to cry. Akainu needed to keep better control over his magma when he was angry. His poor den-den mushi couldn't handle being that close to molten rock. The poor thing hadn't even done anything wrong; it was only relaying Den-chan's words.

 **xXx**

It took two years for Master and Chief to notice that something was wrong with Den-chan. Eventually though, the mollusc could no longer conceal its powers. Not that it had ever been trying. Telling had just never seemed important. So when the den-den mushi broke down babbling right before being used, its people were shocked.

"Can den-den mushi get sick?" Chief wondered. Den-chan shook its head and babbled weakly.

"Not sick… Devil Fruit… Can't remember…" The mollusc turned weakly to look at Master. "Ace… Luffy… Safe?"

"My son and his brother are both alive, if that's what you're asking," Master replied. Den-chan smiled.

"Good. So hard to keep track… So many stories… The Internet is confusing."

"Internet?" Master questioned. Den-chan nodded.

"It's from another place, beyond the Fourth Wall. Full of stories- and terrors. Not sure what's real and what's not. All I wanted was to find the story that would make people happy."

Master looked thoughtful. "So, all those calls to Luffy, and all the records of calls that no one made- you did those on purpose?"

"Yes. Luffy, Ace- how old are they? Did I succeed?"

"My son is nineteen; I think his brother is twenty-two."

"Brothers." Chief's eyes were wide. "Luffy has two brothers, both twenty-two years old. That's why you dialed Luffy's number that day, isn't it- you wanted me to remember."

Den-chan stiffened with shock. "You… Didn't remember? I didn't know. Not all the stories… Some said you had amnesia, but some not. I- I made you ill? I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Chief said fiercely. "I'm glad I remembered my brothers. In fact," here Chief turned to Master, "I really should go visit them. It's as good a time as any; the Whitebeards and Straw Hats are supposedly on Fishman Island together."

Master nodded. "Take a den-den mushi," the cloaked man said, nodding towards Den-chan, indicating exactly which one he wanted Chief to take. "Just in case. You'd best teach it Haki as well. It might help the poor thing control its powers."

"Yes sir." Chief gave a cheeky salute and picked Den-chan under one arm.

 **xXx**

The Haki training did help, but more than that, talking did. For the first time, the mollusc wasn't bored and didn't feel the need to flip through the internet for hours on end. Through Sabo, Den-chan learned what had happened in the real world as opposed to the stories. It came to see the blond man as a friend rather than just as Master's Chief-of-Staff.

It wasn't long before the two of them arrived at Fishman Island, where two crews of famous pirates were meeting. Den-chan rode on Sabo's shoulder as the blond man approached his brothers. Beneath it, Den-chan felt its friend quiver with nervousness.

"Hello!"

One simple word produced instantaneous results. A rubber missile collided with Sabo's chest, nearly dislodging Den-chan from the blond's shoulder. "Sabo! You're alive!"

"I told you he was," Ace said, arriving just after the excited missile. "What? You didn't believe me?"

"Yes… No… I dunno. I never got a call from Den-chan like you did."

Ace smiled. "Yeah… Best call I ever got, even if it was weird. If I hadn't gotten that call, Thatch and I would both be dead."

Luffy pouted. "Don't say that! I don't wanna think about you being dead! Thatchy neither- I like Thatchy."

"That's cos he gives you food when your own cook kicks you out." Ace ruffled Luffy's hair and looked at Sabo. "So, who is Den-chan anyway? He didn't talk much about himself. I wanna meet him and say thanks."

Sabo smiled and patted Den-chan's shell. "He's right here. Ace, Lu, this is Den-chan. He was Dragon's personal den-den, but that's probably going to change. Den-chan ate a Devil Fruit that lets him get information from somewhere he calls 'beyond the Fourth Wall.' We're not sure what he means."

Den-chan didn't bother to correct Sabo about its gender- or lack thereof. Someday it would, but there were more important things at the moment than explaining that den-den mushi were hermaphroditic. "You fed me the fruit."

"What?" All three brothers' eyes went wide.

"Chief Sabo placed the Devil Fruit in my food dish. I didn't know what it was then; I am much smarter than I once was. At the time it didn't seem odd. Chief Sabo was always tossing odd things into my tray when looking for documents."

That made Ace and Luffy laugh. Den-chan smiled. Laughter was a good thing. It meant the mollusc had finally succeeded- he was making his people happy.


End file.
